I knew it was time even though I was still partly conscious. I could hear fuzzy voices of doctors who sounded panicked. It had been a painful journey but I had fought…all in vain. “There’s nothing that we could’ve done” one of them said, “she was diagnosed with stage four stomach cancer which spread to her ovaries…a krukenberg tumor.” There were some more voices but I couldn’t make much sense of them. Everything seemed muddled. Then one of them said, “just let it go I don’t give her more than ten minutes, we’ve tried everything. I was ready too, it had been two years and I had fought hard, but I was exhausted now. I seemed to lose sense of time and space.
I was bombarded with memories my life rewinded itself in my minds eye. I was not sure if I was moving back in time or imagining.
The last two years of pain and suffering flashed before my eyes. The aggressive treatments, the side effects and the resultant loneliness. And then suddenly there was a radiant me. How did this happ…oh this was before I was diagnosed… I was dressed in red, celebrating my twenty fifth anniversary with my husband. Oh! it was a gorgeous day. Everything became hazy just as it does with bad T.V reception and then… I could clearly smell the newly painted walls, see the layout of the place, feel his fingers entwined in mine. Yes, this was the first house we had bought together.
After inderteminate lapse of time there I was again much younger. I was attractive but I had been crying for sometime which seemed to take away from my looks. Facing the doctors room, I was crying while my husband stood at a distance refusing to meet my eye. The doctor had declared that we wouldn’t be able to have kids. Soon after there was an image… I was going around the pyre. I was getting married. The dominant feeling was exhaustion…it had been a hectic day.
And then I was walking down the aisle of my college auditorium. I was being awarded for my academic performance. My head pounded, there was a barrage of images, hues, sounds and odours. My entire childhood unfolded before me. It seemed to be a happy one barring the loneliness stemming from being an only child.
Life had indeed been a mixed bag. My eyelids began to feel heavy, breathing became strenous and slowly the pain ebbed.
I felt light as if my body was absolutely weightless. “Time of death 12:45 p.m, 3rd Feburary 2013,” a doctor called out.
I floated across the room seated myself and handed over the thick glares back to the assistant.
He asked me, “Ma’am have you made a decision yet I need to make arrangements accordingly?”
I had made a decision, “No, please inform the authorities that I have decided against being reborn. Hand over the documents so that I can sign them”
I hereby declare that I was given all the necessary details about how my life had been panned out and have made an informed decision to not take birth. I have read all the terms and conditions and want my membership from the human race to be recalled with immediate effect.
I handed over the signed documents.
“Next,” yelled God’s P.A.
Another figure floated in the room and took a seat
“Good afternoon, you will be shown a short film covering all the milestones of your life. I request you to pay close attention so that you can take an informed decision regarding ‘Whether you’ll like to take birth and live this life.’ Any queries?”
“Okay wear these glares and enjoy seeing the life planned for you,” the assistant handed over the glares.