I haven’t really been writing that much these days partly because I didn’t have much to say. I feel the fact itself has been stressful for me because I thought I had lost the one thing I truly love- Writing . My journal has been a great savior in such testing times and has saved me from one of the worst writer’s block. Now, I’m no writer but I just wanted to give it a fancy name.
Using the phrase ‘Life has taken a 360 ‘ degree turn ‘ would be a bit much but a lot has changed in the past two to three weeks. Most of it has been in terms of how I view things. Finally I don’t feel guilty about the fact that I wasn’t totally broken about a friendship going sour. Really, I’ve been miserable about the fact that I wasn’t miserable. The realization that college was getting over finally hit me and left me a little depressed. What is more upsetting is that I don’t know where I will be in the next few months. Alongside all this I got the news that my brother is coming back which in a sense covered up for everything else. Except for the fact that I don’t know if I would be in Delhi now.
This is how it all started, but by the end of it I feel better equipped with dealing with the entire leaving college bit (of course I’ll still cry over it a couple of times). In most part, I think this is because I feel everyone is dispensable and replaceable. No matter how close you’re to a particular person once they’re not there you’re just as happy without them. Personally I think as long as everyone else finds friends or are together they wouldn’t even notice my absence. Maybe this is healthy because it helps in adjustment. How is it going to help you if you keep brooding over someone not being there with you? Nonetheless it trivializes relationships. I have mixed feelings about this one. Also, I don’t think I’d rather die than face the impending change anymore. It’s not that I’m more optimistic about my admission prospects. For all you know I’ll have absolutely no place to go to, but I’ll use that time constructively as well. No matter what lies ahead I’ll come around to it, I guess.